Rules for Gunfights

US Marine Corp Rules for Gunfights

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11. Always cheat; always win; The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. In ten years, nobody will remember the caliber, stance, or tactics. They will remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating.

Navy SEALS Rules For Gunfights

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Return quickly to looking cool in latest beach wear.

4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules For Gunfights

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound ruck while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound ruck while starving.

Army Rules For Gunfights

1. Select a new beret to wear

2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder

3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear

US Air Force Rules For Gunfights

1. Have a cocktail

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner

3. See what's on HBO

4. Determine "what is a gunfight"

5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation

6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DoD & defense industry executives

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets

8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally

9. Ask the Navy to send the Marines

US Navy Rules For Gunfights

1. Go to Sea

2. Drink Coffee

3. Watch porn

4. Send the Marines



The Barber Shop

In a small town near Washington, DC, a barber opened his shop for business. A young enlisted Marine comes in to get a "high and tight". The barber asked the young Marine about his service, and a lot of small talk takes place. After the haircut is complete, the Marine opens his wallet and the barber said, "It's on the house Marine. Thanks for your service to this great nation." The next morning as the barber goes to open his shop, there is a box on his doorstep. In the box was a note of thanks and a "SEMPER FI" bright red T-shirt.

That same morning a young Army G.I. comes in for a haircut. The same sort of story happens. They talk about the Army and other small talk. After the haircut is complete, the G.I. stands and reaches for his wallet. The barber says, "No thanks, son. It's on the house. Thank you for your service to our country." The next morning as the man is opening his barbershop, on the doorstep is a box with an Army ball cap and a thank you note.

That same day, a Navy Chief comes in for a haircut. He is decked out in his full dress blues. The barber is impressed and again, the same things happen...small talk about the service. When the Chief goes to pay, again the barber says, "Not required, Chief, it's on the house. Thanks for your service to this great nation." You guessed it, the next morning, as the barber went to open his shop, there on his doorstep ... were three more Chiefs!



Old Salt

A crusty old battleship admiral died and found himself standing before Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter welcomed him warmly, "Come right in, Admiral! You've served your country well and you may enter Heaven!" The admiral looked thru the gates and stepped up to Saint Peter, "Just one thing, sonny. I hope there's no Chiefs here. They are the rudest, most obnoxious variety of human ever, and if there are any of them here, I'm not going in; I'd rather go to the other place."

"Don't worry, admiral," said Saint Peter. "No Chief has ever made it into Heaven. You'll find none of 'em here." So, the admiral goes on into Heaven. Moments later, he comes upon an amazing sight. It is a swaggering figure in a khakis, garrison cap cocked slightly on his head, a mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand, and a beautiful woman on either arm.

Incensed, the admiral rushes back to Saint Peter and gets in his face. "Hey! You said there were no Chiefs here! So what the hell is THAT?!?" "Don't worry, admiral," says Saint Peter gently. "That's God. He just THINKS he's a Chief."



Sleeping With A Snorer

By the time the Chief pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - a Marine Gunny," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Chief assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the Chief came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time", said the Chief.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Chief explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."



The Genie

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next!" says the First Class. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the Chief. The Chief says, "I want those two back on the ship right after lunch."



The Chief and the Gunny

An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"



A Mustang's Hunting Dog

A Mustang (Officer-former enlisted), retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the Mustang's new gun dog, "Chief". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.

The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn't part with him. Six months later the same Admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang breaking in a new dog.

"What happened to Chief?" he asked. "Had to shoot him," the Mustang replied. "Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him 'Master Chief' ...after that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark."



The Five Most Dangerous Things in the US Navy

1. A Seaman saying, "I learned this in Boot Camp..."

2. A Petty Officer saying, "Trust me, sir..."

3. A Lieutenant JG saying, "Based on my experience..."

4. A Lieutenant saying, "I was just thinking..."

5. A Chief chuckling, "Watch this s@#t..."



PERSONNEL COMMAND/250001Z AUG 02//

As a result of Senate proposed force reductions and budget cuts the Department of the Navy has developed a program to reduce the number of active duty personnel. This program is under test phase and will be effective 1 January 2003. Under this new program, older sailors will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger sailors who represent the future. Therefore, this program will phase out older sailors by the end of the current fiscal year. This initial phase of the program will be known as SLAP (Sailors Late-Aged Program). Sailors who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the Navy. SLAPPED sailors can request a review of their personnel records before actual retirement takes place.

This phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All sailors who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED, may file an appeal with their chain of command with final authority at the Major Command level.

This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, a sailor may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the Navy deems appropriate. If a sailor follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment), unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or Spouse).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any sailor who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Navy. The Navy wishes to assure the younger Sailors who remain on board, that the Navy will continue its policy of training sailors through our Special High Intensity Training (s@#t). The Navy takes pride in the amount of s@#t our sailors receive. We have given our sailors more s@#t than any other service. If any sailor feels they do not receive enough s@#t at their current base, see your immediate supervisor. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE s@#t YOU CAN STAND.



Who's The Best?

A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which service is "The Best." The arguing became so heated, that they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. They meet St Peter and decide that only he would be the ultimate source of truth and honesty, so they ask him:

"St. Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?" St. Peter instantly replies: "I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what he thinks the next time I see him."

Some time later the four warriors see St. Peter again and remind him of the question and ask if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on St. Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note with glistening gold dust. St. Peter says to the four men,

"Your answer from the Boss... Let's see what he says." St Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and St Peter begins to read it aloud to the four young men:

MEMORANDUM TO SOLDIERS, SEAMEN, MARINES, AND AIRMEN

SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is The Best?

"Gentlemen, all the Branches of the Armed Services are 'Honorable and Noble.' Each of you serves your country well and with distinction. Being a member of the American Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication. Be proud of that."

Very Respectfully,

GOD, USN (Ret.)



Right Answer Chief!

A young Navy officer was in a serious car accident but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the new Admiral was interviewing three young men for the position of his personal aide. The first officer was a Surface Warfare Officer (SWO) and it was a great interview. At the end the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The young SWO answered, "Why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a female Fleet Support Officer, and she was even better than the first officer, and with a better file. The Admiral asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The Admiral threw her out also.

The third interview was with a Navy Chief Petty Officer. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the other two officers together. The Admiral wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise the Chief said, "Yes sir; you wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Chief Petty Officer, and he didn't mention my ears. "And how do you know that I wear contacts?" the Admiral asked.

The sharp witted Chief replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f##*!@! ears."



If you say so Chief!

He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into a waterfront bar that afternoon. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said.

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been awhile since he had a piano player and business was falling off.

"What do you do?" he asked.

"I'm retired," was the answer. "As a matter of fact, I'm a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer but since I retired I've done nothing but drink, chase broads and play the piano.

Now, really unsure, the barkeep decided to give him a try...he really needed more business. "The piano is over there...give it a go."

The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patrons snickered. But, by the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anyone had ever heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender brought the old guy a beer and told him that he sounded really, really good. "What do you call that?" he asked. "It's "Drop Your Skivvies, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight," said the old Chief as he took a long pull from the beer. The crowd winced along with the bartender but the piano player went on.

"I got another," ....and he began to play again. What followed was a knee-slappin,' hand-clappin' bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. People were coming in from the streets to hear this guy play. After he finished, the Chief acknowledged the applause and told the crowd that the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Anchor Chain Run Out."

He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room.

After thinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad he looked or what his songs were called. When the guy came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, but then he noticed that the old man's fly was undone and his member was hanging out.

He said, "Look Chief, the job is yours but first I gotta ask, do you know your fly is undone and your dick is hanging out?"

"Know it?" the old Chief replied, "Hell, I wrote it!



A Navy Chief Dies And Goes To Heaven

Pope John Paul dies of old age and finds himself at the gates of Heaven at 0300. He knocks on the gate and a very sleepy-eyed watchman opens the gate and asks, "Wadda you want?"

"I'm the recently deceased Pope and have done 63 years of Godly works and thought I should check in here."

The watchman checks his clipboard and says, "I ain't got no orders for you here, just bring your stuff and we'll sort this out in the morning."

They go to an old WWII barracks, 3rd floor, open bay. All the bottom racks are taken and all empty lockers have no doors. The Pope stows his gear under a rack and climbs into an upper bunk. The next morning he awakens to sounds of cheering and clapping. He goes to the window and sees a flashy Jaguar convertible parading down the clouds from the golden headquarters building. The cloudwalks are lined with saints and angels cheering and tossing confetti. In the back seat sits a Navy Chief, his Surface Warfare pin glistening on his chest, a cigar in his mouth, a can of San Miguel in one hand, and his other arm around a voluptuous blonde Angel with magnificent halos.

This disturbs the Pope and he runs downstairs to the Master-at-Arms shack and says, "Hey, what gives? You put me, the Pope with 63 years of Godly deeds, in an open bay barracks, while this Chief who must've committed every sin known and unknown to man is staying in a mansion on the hill and getting a hero's welcome. How can this be?"

The Master at Arms calmly looks up and says, "We get a Pope up here every 20 or 30 years, but we've never had a Navy Chief before"



The Chief

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

"You must be a Navy Chief ," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a Naval Officer."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."



Salty Sailor

A salty sailor dressed to kill in his summer whites went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his Rum and Coke, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the sailor and asked him,
"Are you really a sailor?"
To which he replied,
"Well, I have spent the last five years of my life in the Navy. I guess I am."
After a short while, he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I
eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the sailor ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you really a sailor?"
To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."



US Army Official Voice Message

Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, DC, and compulsory "Consideration of Others" training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of gray funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your ass off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and whilst watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line, Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office. Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the United States Army.



Murphy's Laws of Combat
or: Never forget, weapons are made
by the lowest bidder

You are not supermen. (Freshly graduated recruits from Marine boot camp and all fighter pilots, especially, take note.)

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

Don’t look conspicuous – it draws fire. (For this reason aircraft carriers have been called "bomb magnets.")

Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

The easy way is always mined.

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

Incoming fire has the right-of-way.

No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection (Note: No Marine unit has ever failed a combat readiness inspection, which suggests peacetime inspections are to readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine.)

If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Suppressive fires – won't.

Body-count math is 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemy killed in action.

Friendly fire - isn't.

Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.

Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you can't get out. (This seems to be the guiding design principle behind our own Bradley infantry fighting vehicle, which nicely packages the troops in armored boxes for group destruction.)

Tracers work BOTH ways.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.



Military Oaths of Enlistment

All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon re-enlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:

U.S. Army Oath of Enlistment

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!


U.S. Air Force Oath of Enlistment

I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the Military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" <snicker I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never being promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So Help Me God!

U.S. Navy Oath of Enlistment

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!


U.S. Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment

I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear....uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....ugh...Air Force Women....OORAH! So Help Me CORPS!

_______________________ Thumb Print



Rules as they apply to The Chief

THE CHIEF IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

IN THE IMPOSSIBLE HYPOTHESIS THAT A SUBORDINATE MAY BE RIGHT, SEE ABOVE.

THE CHIEF DOES NOT SLEEP, HE RESTS.

THE CHIEF IS NEVER LATE, HE IS DETAINED ELSEWHERE.

THE CHIEF NEVER LEAVES WORK, HIS PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ELSEWHERE.

THE CHIEF NEVER READS THE PAPER IN THE MESS, HE STUDIES.

THE CHIEF NEVER GOES ON LIBERTY WITH HIS JUNIORS, HE CONDUCTS TRAINING SESSIONS.

WHOEVER CONFRONTS THE CHIEF WITH AN IDEA OF HIS OWN, MUST LEAVE WITH THE CHIEF'S IDEA.

THE CHIEF IS ALWAYS THE CHIEF, EVEN IN HIS SHOWER SHOES.



The Chain of Command

Admiral - Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy guidance to God.

Captain - Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a small engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if the sea is calm. Talks with GOD.

Commander - Leaps short buildings with a running start. Is almost as powerful as a small engine. Is slower than a speeding bullet. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special form is provided.

Lieutenant commander - Barely clears little huts. Lose tug of war with small engine . Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by GOD.

Lieutenant - Crashes into buildings trying to leap over them. Is run over by small engines. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.

Lieutenant Junior Grade - Cannot recognize buildings. Recognizes small engines two out of three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat if instructed in Mae West. Talks to walls.

Ensign - Falls over doorstep when trying to enter a building. Says "Look at the Choo-choo" when locomotive passes by. Not allowed elastic for his slingshot. Plays in puddles. Mumbles to himself.

Chief Petty Officer - Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks Locomotives off tracks. Catches Bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. He is GOD.